My friends, do yourselves a favor and read - if not the entire series than at least one of - Gideon Dafoe's "Pirates in an Adventure With..."
I have read ..."With Ahab" and "with the Scientist". Both gems. These are quick reads, and worth the sacrifice of the latest "Hills" or "Real Housewives" episodes.
Mr. Dafoe fashions his pirate characters after sassy, clueless, rogue types that are both ahead of their time and swarthy creatures all at once. You will be laughing so hard you'll be crying. In "Ahab", the author has them sailing to Vegas to become performers to help raise money for a new ship. No mind that Vegas is not actually near a body of water.
It's not so much the plots themselves, but the language and dialogue that will have you in stitches.
None of the pirates have actual names. They are called "Pirate with the Scarf" "the Albino Pirate" and "The Pirate with the Wooden Leg".
My personal favorite is the Pirate Captain who fancies glazed hams and his glossy beard. Never a buccaneer there was.
Read at least one. These pirates are so cool they put Jack Sparrow to shame, then flick his eye patch back on his face and beat him with their wooden legs!
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